Holy Shit Index Page
Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University
He had only one major publication.
It was in Hebrew.
It had no references.
It wasn't published in an academic journal.
His cooperative efforts have been limited.
Some doubt that he wrote it himself.
He may have created the world, but what has he done since?
The scientific community cannot replicate his results.
He never received permission from the ethics board to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
He rarely came to class and just told students, "read the book."
Some say he had his son teach the class.
He expelled his first two students.
His office hours were irregular and sometimes held on a mountaintop.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed.
It was inconsistent and had many errors.
It was sexist.
It contained detailed sexual references
It contained descriptions of Satanic-like rituals and blood sacrifices.
Christ, Jesus H. (Real name: Yeshua ben Nazaret)
| Subject | Grade |
|---|
| Art | B | Obviously has imagination and creativity. A good potter - a little primitive at times. |
| Combined Science | D | Lacks discipline. Constantly argumentative, even when the facts clearly contradict him. |
| English | D+ | Cannot read/write. Not only does he speak in obsolete, ambigious languages but also seems intentionally vague and mystical. |
| Geography | C- | Top marks on 'Desert Lifestyle' speach but poor in all other areas. |
| History | A | Seems to already have studied ancient history, very good. |
| Humanities | D- | Student has not developed their opinions or morality, appears retarded. |
| Mathematics | F | Lacks basics. Cannot see that "3" cannot be "1" and vica versa. Refuses to accept anything other than 30/10 for the value of pi. Sometimes quotes Kings 7:23 and 2 Chronicles 4:2. |
| Practical Studies | D | Is sexist, and refuses to learn skills that he feels women should do. Cannot make bread to save his life! Keeps missing out the yeast... |
| Music & Drama | B+ | A keen, energetic member of the choir. On occasions can be frighteningly dramatic. |
| Physical Education | C | Has fallen out with the Swim instructor. An investigation is looking into claims made by the instructor. Poor at teamwork. |
| Religion | D | Could not get over the immature statement that his Dad created the world. Refuses to consider other religious beliefs. |
COMMENT: Jesus is at the center of more than a few gang-investigations, as he appears to be of considerable influence within popular, unstable and violent gangs. Violent towards those who disagree with him. Constantly displays anti-semitic sentiment.
Holy Shit Index Page
© 2001 Vexen Crabtree. All rights reserved.
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